just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
