So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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