I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
