shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize