I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
