careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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