Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize