who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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