Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
