Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize