Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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