I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
