dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
