Cold hands, warm shart.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
