I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
