the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
