LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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