i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
