you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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