I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
"it" just moved
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
