Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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