Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize