So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
