She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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