I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
