I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
