but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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