you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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