She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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