just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
