Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just want nice things and good sex
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
