Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize