i was born a porn star she said
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
