i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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