Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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