i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
