I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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