loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
