how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
