I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
being pregnant is like rehab
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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