I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize