My friends, they love my intelligence
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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