You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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