if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
