You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
