a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
