I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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