so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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