How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize