The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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