Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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