omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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