Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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