Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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