You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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