I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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