i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
