I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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