1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
