I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
