His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize