I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
