Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
