overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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