You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
