Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
they need to just BURY HIM!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
