I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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