I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
