You work out of a Hotel?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I could make wine with my vomit
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
