I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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