hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
