this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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