"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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