THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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