There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
