I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize