In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
