oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
