Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
