Screwed.edu
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
