margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Randomize
